On Saturday 26th May 2018 James and I set off to Twickenham. I had bought him tickets to the rugby final for his birthday and we had been looking forward to it since January. It was a mega hot day which was uncomfortable for big swollen me, but I just went along with the day, trying not to moan and ruin James’s birthday pressie. We parked by Twickenham green and walked along to a café where we sat and had a drink. I remember saying to James then that I hadn’t felt much movement from puffling that day so far, but I put it down to the heat and carried on walking to the rugby stadium.
I had noticed that over the past two weeks, my movements had changed but when I mentioned this to friends and my midwife I was reassured that “towards the end of pregnancy your movements change/slow because baby is moving down ready to come out….” This is bullshit!!! Movements are NOT supposed to change at all! But being a first timer, I had no idea and I took the reassurance. I assumed everyone knew better than me…..well, now I know that the only person to trust is yourself! I now know that I know best! Anyway, back to Twickenham.
Unbeknown to me, I had bought pretty decent tickets, but on that day, this meant sitting in direct sunlight and the temperature was about 31 degrees. Way too hot for me so I kept going inside to cool down. I didn’t feel right but again, I blamed the ridiculous heat and we walked back to the car after the game which was a couple of miles but it felt like one of the long hikes we did in Alaska. I was struggling but I just wanted to sit down so I kept walking, if I stopped it would be even longer before I’d be home. I still hadn’t felt little puff move that day and was getting quietly very scared. It was the first day that I had felt no movement at all. James suggested getting some food before heading home and I quietly agreed. Sitting with sunglasses on and struggling to manage one tiny slice of pizza (this is not like me at all!!) I started to cry. I didn’t want James to see as he would worry and I didn’t want to make a fuss. I thought maybe I was being dramatic as people always say I’m a drama queen (and I usually am!). Once in the car and on the road to home, I started to cry again. I didn’t let James see but I did tell him I was worried about the baby now. Once home, I had a bath as usually the baby kicked when I bathed. I tried that and a cold drink and nothing. I called our local hospital and they told me to go straight in. And so it begins…
This is such a powerful chapter…! The entire blog so far is beautifully written and has had me choked up reading and re-reading it several times!
Sharing your experiences with the world is a really brave and selfless thing to do and I really do hope that writing this blog helps you and others who have been through this same thing or anything similar!
As always, you know I’m here if you need anything Mandi!